awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
