if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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