she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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