She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
operation harelip BJ is a go
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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