Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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