I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
