your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I wear drunk well.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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