do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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