Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
