Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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