Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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