No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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