At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
