just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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