I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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