the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
