I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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