getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
