you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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