I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
