so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Who died my cat blue again?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
