WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
