I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Randomize
