am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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