So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
where am i from again
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
