dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
