We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I have fence marks all over my body
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Shame - the story of my life.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
