Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
