I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
