It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
