im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize