Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Randomize
