worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
