you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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