I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
