I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
