You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize