you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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