I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
