I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
