hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
