When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
