im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she told me i tasted like america
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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