It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
and eventually we just all took our pants off
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
