This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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