just survived the first fart of the relationship.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
