i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
