hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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