She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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