Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
