A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
