How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
