his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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