Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
