My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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