Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize