yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
