I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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