I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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