I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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