I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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