she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize