dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
