Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
