Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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