So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
