it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
