Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize